I take back what you have stolen and in your languages I announce I am now nameless.
My true name is a growl.
Margaret Atwood

9 June 2018

untitled (if Poe decided to write Haiku)

Marian is our host today @ Real Toads - and she presents us with a micro-challenge format, called the Tetractys.  Fussy Little Forms: Tetractys

It's a "fussy form" involving syllable count, sort of like Haiku, but not as restrictive as traditional Haiku. It, as she notes, makes for some addictive, if not weird, in my opinion, writing. And like most "simple looking" forms, it is not as easy as it seems. Still, a challenge to be enjoyed.

note: as I was playing in the word sandbox, I found myself wondering how this form might translate into the "gothic side" - so I pseudo channeled Poe and asked him to dip his nib, which is where things really get weird. It's a good thing, in my opinion, that he didn't wander too far across the veil. I on the other hand, well - mea culpa.

So here are my "out-takes" -

*

find
me right
in the now
night falls shortly
taking a last breath, I am lost for dreams

*

shoot
the stars
point-blank range
distance cries in
breath taken away, close the door softly

*

genies bottled up, release pent-up hounds
as furies drape
starlit shrouds
screams die
here
found
in claw
beaks drawn open
rent the air dead
but for the ashes, the raven matters

*

looking glass smashes, whose soul is set free
the wind blows in
sweeps away
embered
ashes

*

chalk
it lazy
this moment
birthing revenge
words fail to impress, my tongue dulls silent
edging hope no more, winded sentences
drop into teeth
running on
the slip
lip
you
gave up
a rite pass
swerving the curve
forgiveness offers, time bitten, I leave.

*

For further info. and examples, showcased by the poet who conceived of this form, Ray Stebbings,  wander over  here.





27 comments:

  1. "as furies drape
    starlit shrouds"

    channeling Poe is always fun...

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  2. Pat, you went all out here. I think I like last set the best. I love to drive "swerving the curve" can be scary.
    ..

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  3. My goodness!πŸ’ž Absolutely splendid work on the form here. I love "looking glass smashes, whose soul is set free the wind blows in sweeps away embered ashes."πŸ’ž

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    1. Margaret, Jim and Sanaa ~ thank you!

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  4. Rowing to Poe on the lake of darkness, lifting the veil, inhaling the musk, lifting lidded eyes to an impaling flash -- does Poe clarify Sappho, or is time "bitten" twice shy? Sorry to respond in strings ... Roses like this left on his grave are thrice fragrant between midnight and two. You rowed out and came back.

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    1. respond as best suited Brendan - this whole thing is a weird string symphony ... it was, at best, a weird exercise (for me) to wonder how with less words it *might* be possible to try to capture some essence of "dark" ... thanks for sharing your thoughts, as always, appreciated πŸƒ

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  5. Poe was a reviewer, as well as a writer, and an acerbic one to say the least (one of the many things I love about him.) But he would have loved these.

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    1. Yes, he did have to earn a living - and his reviews were often very scathing, but accurate for a keen eye.
      LOL - I'm not sure about "loving these" - but I can bet he's twitching somewhere out there, gasping for breath 😡

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  6. Gosh, what an amazing array of verses. You have shown how versatile this form can be, Pat. I love your Poe-esque take immensely.

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    1. thanks Kerry! Actually, it was reading some of the ones that Stebbings' wrote, and checking out the responses from when you introduced the form a few years back, that let me wander into other ideas ... as well as checking out how the responses as they were coming in .... it's really a rather odd thing to play with such brevity. But all in good fun and brain stretches. πŸ˜‚

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  7. Love these, wow! The Poe-ness resonates, but I feel like I read your voice in here, too. I can really feel the last one, sigh. I think I like #2 best but they are all really interesting. I hadn't considered reversing the form so that the poem starts with the long line, and you've employed it really effectively. Love it!

    Also I just wanted to thank you for your consistently thoughtful comments on my poems. I've been uncharacteristically not participating much in the Garden as I've been in a dry patch and having some trouble expressing myself. I appreciate that you have spent time with some of my entries and have offered lovely commentary. It helps. Thank you!

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    1. Thanks Marian! I think Poe-ness can only go so far in such a terse form - LOL - but it was fun anyhow. The last one was actually one of the first I wrote (I just didn't post them in a specific order). The whole "playing with the order" came from reading more of Stebbings' own examples. Why be limited by one set? It also adds another dimension, and I suppose, in some cases, it could offer a real impact, as a denouement.

      Your welcome for the comments. Always a pleasure. And I can understand, sometimes the words just have gone on a walkabout - so, we wait and fill the time and our lives and the well with "living" the words as opposed to the writing of them. All in due course I suspect. And encouragement? Is always worth a few moments all around. 😏

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  8. I love them so much.. the point blank aspect of stars and the raven (of course) stood out.

    I think you showed how much flexibility you have in using the form as a building block..

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    1. thanks Bjorn! it's fun to play with these small forms, like Lego!

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  9. Like a spider with years of experience, you wove a delightful web of beautiful lines. I'll be coming back to read these a few more times.

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  10. All right, where did your list of other blogs on the side bar go? I had been using it. :-(

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    1. De-cluttered my brain and eyes. They are now in my reading list, and/or popping into my inbox.
      "Using it?"
      (if there is something/site/one you need a link to, just send me an email)

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    2. Tigah was getting peckish -

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  11. An incredible array of Poe-ms. These are exactly what I imagine him to write.

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  12. I'm impressed by these--they feel almost like stream of consciousness to me, especially that last one. Poe undoubtedly leaves a shadow on our modern words, but these seem much more you to me, full of a bubbling broth that has to be rapidly consumed before it evaporates, and the taste is rich as the fumes are intoxicating.Poe has the darkness, you the fire. I especially like..well, all of them--I was going to say the last one and the first two, but then the middle ones I like just as much, so why pick. ;) It's a fascinating form, and you've done it proud.

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    1. Actually, this isn't at all "dark" for me - fire perhaps, simmering, but god help us all when I actually write "dark" - it's beyond frightening. And thanks - I do think there is more "me" in here, than Poe - I'd kill myself laughing and then probably keel over at his skill and expertise if he was around to write to this form. Thanks so much for your time and comments J.

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  13. I loved each one!! You really took to the form. Took it in stride, and shed a little light in the darkness.

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  14. These are great- I never knew this form - it's great and you've created fantastic images here.

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thanks for sharing your thoughts, I greatly appreciate it.